I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
