DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
