What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
