So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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