i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
