I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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