hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
