I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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