so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
