you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize