Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
