just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
