This is not my ceiling
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
