What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
