I like my sex mixed with concussions.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
