Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
