if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
