if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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