By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
did i just pee glitter
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
