I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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