i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
