everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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