Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
