i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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