I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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