she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
