so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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