nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
