Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
