like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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