Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
