It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
