Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
