DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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