I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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