I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
