is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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