btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
