Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
