like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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