I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize