Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize