how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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