You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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