Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
