how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
