I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
