either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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