If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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