I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
