Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize