All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
