he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
