marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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