I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
