Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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