we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
