just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
