You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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