note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
