I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
