I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My feet surprised me
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
