the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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