I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
