perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
