he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
