I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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