i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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