I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
