I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
