Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If that was your dad, he is hot
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
