He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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