did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
