Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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