did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I don't deserve a penis
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm bleeding and have questions
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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