i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
