bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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