Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
