in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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