Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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