I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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