We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
