I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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