What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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