from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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