There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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