At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
