he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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