Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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