just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
