dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
