either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
