i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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