Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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