This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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