Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
