jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
