He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
